THE BUTTOCK IMPORT CONUNDRUM.

Why does Britain continue to import buttocks?

It's not as if we weren't extremely successful in growing fat bottoms of our own, as can be seen in many classrooms and shopping centres. This place seems to be a magnet for those with grossly disproportionate gluteal endowments.

Cecilia (name changed to avoid legal embarrassment) must have won awards somewhere for her assets. I swear that light bends around her, such is her gravitational effect. I rather suspect that constructing her must have contravened her home country Gambia's building, safety and planning regulations. However, Newton's 3rd law operates, even here, in a care home (in a fashion)! Nothing is without consequence: despite the energy generated by her enormous calorie consumption, so much of that energy and effort is being directed towards maintaining her structure that very little is left to support brain activity. That must be the reason she has difficulty grasping concepts like "the key on the keyboard with an arrow pointing to the left", "the other one", "on your left", "my left leg", "the grey one goes underneath the red one" and others.

I mustn't be too critical though. The agency concerned may have a great store of as-yet-undiscovered buttocks to send here in the guise of "carers".