HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ONE AND ALL – with all due respect and wishing no offence whatsoever to those of you of other religions and creeds who do not acknowledge any significance in this season of the year 2014 (in the Christian calendar – while recognising that not all people acknowledge the Christian chronology), and acknowledging also that those other traditions may well be celebrating strange beliefs of their own and always remembering – and respecting equally – those souls who freely choose NOT to subscribe to any religious dogmas but successfully live their lives and get drunk regularly, like all normal people.
DISCLAIMER: Expressing the hope that you have a 'Happy Christmas' does not come with any warranty or guarantee, express or implied that you will actually have one. No liability is accepted in the event of your failure to do so and you are not under any obligation to do so against your wishes or inclinations.
USER GUIDE AND SAFETY ADVISORY: The greeting has been stress-tested under laboratory conditions: it has been scanned and is free of all known viruses but if the embarrassing " Secret Place" rash occurs within four days, go to the specialist clinic.
This is an equal opportunity greeting and applies to all, irrespective of their favourite disgusting fetish, which football team they support, how awful their dress sense or how judderingly-stupid they are (French people & Social Service wankers excepted). The sentiments and wishes contained in this greeting may settle during transit. The picture on the outside of this greeting may not always accurately reflect the content inside It. This greeting is gender-neutral, nut-free , gluten free, dairy free, organic, vegan and vegetarian-friendly, child-friendly and requires no personal information or access to your bank account.
Please adjust your dress and wash your hands before leaving this greeting. Slippery when wet. May cause dizziness if taken with alcohol. Do not exceed the recommended dose. Always read the instructions. If you are under 10 years of age, seek the advice of an adult. Height restrictions may apply during the holiday season. No animals were hurt in constructing this greeting. Only one per person. Mind how you go. Always turn the tap off and put the lid down before leaving the bathroom. Never take sweets from strangers in public lavatories. Your mummy and daddy were right all along. There, there. Settle down.
