MORNING ROUTINE -- PART OF IT ANYWAY
6 a.m. The morning tea round: might as well, you will be awake because of the noise anyway. They've got used to my aversion to lukewarm, weak, milky tea. Strong, hot and not too much milk. That'll do nicely. Now bugger off and I might get another 45 minutes kip.
I'll horrify you some other time with the morning 'rise and shine' routines. There is a six part sitcom in it somewhere. Eventually, down to breakfast. Cereals and toast are the only standard options most days, with prunes as an exotic extra. Fortunately, I've got my own porage oats. Friday's breakfast is usually a variation on a good English fry up. Roll on Friday.
My principle here is to maintain that it is a fundamental law of nature that there is no such thing as too much caffeine, too much chilli or too much whisky.The menu is occasionally excellent (sorry about that, I am prone to exaggeration) but frequently confused, as in "lasagne, with garlic bread and vegetables" (the cook isn't English, of course). As a rule it's bland, since they cater for the least demanding or sensitive palate. There's nothing remotely spicy or hot about the curry and garlic is considered too much of a departure for many, which is why you'll only get it on garlic bread. I think the most extreme example of cowardly cooking is the chilli con carne: it doesn't contain chilli!! It's only vaguely spicy-herby and I suggested that "minced beef with rice" would be more accurate. Oh yes, the kitchen appreciated my helpful advice.
However, I have slowly built up my own spice rack with hot chilli sauces, bottle of extra-virgin olive oil with chillies in it, black pepper mill, sea salt mill and in the fridge I have a jar of Thai green chilli sauce and some pickled garlic! These are judiciously added to soups, salady bits and pieces, well, pretty much anything except porage. I also have my own Carte Noire coffee, much better than the catering grade instant coffee they use and my own Scott's Porage Oats, light years ahead of their Ready Brek. In addition, I keep in the freezer a supply of chicken madras/vindaloo/jalfreize, Thai green curry and.....well, you get the picture! Apparently, certain staff members and residents consider my dietary inclinations to be brave, eccentric, peculiar or adventurous. They prefer ice cream and/or chips. Not always on the same plate.
In my room, I keep my medication strictly controlled: the whisky and vodka on the left, any port or wine at the back and in the shade and any beers in the coolest place available.
Oh well, that'll do for now. I've got things to read, e-mails to send and whisky to drink. Most of the guards here are fairly benign and I know that a few of them are, like me, dreaming of and planning their escape.
