Thursday, March 26, 2015
WHY WE ARE LOCKED IN A DOWNWARD SPIRAL.
Nature, it seems to me, is rather Newtonian in its operations. Nature's operating principles are echoed in many familiar phrases and clichés -- - what goes around comes around, nothing is for nothing etc. In other words, nothing that happens is without consequence. It's cause and effect.
Most of those phrases are used when describing or commenting on human behaviour and interaction. It is rarely used in the wider context but it applies equally to the world that we humans manipulate. Thomas Malthus, in his "An Essay on the Principle of Population" pointed out that populations will inevitably grow while there is sufficient food to sustain them. Not sustain in comfort or plenty, mind, just about adequately will be sufficient to encourage population growth. In Africa, perversely, the more marginal that subsistence, the more explosive that growth appears to be.
As I said, nature is like that. When populations outgrow the earth's resources that sustain them, nature's corrective programme is automatically triggered. Depending on whether it is one particular resource or several, the corrective mechanism could be famine or else pestilence. It could be disease. The result could be war or any of the other Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Come what may, nature will restore its balance. Whether we like it or not and whatever we do, one way or another, population will be made to shrink.
Well, mother nature may be like that but unfortunately, human nature isn't. Not only that, we appear to be hell-bent on thwarting nature -- first by deliberately doing things that necessarily create imbalances in my nature's regulatory systems and then by reacting to the inevitable consequences by setting the scene for further subsequent disasters.
Once again, Africa has a whole raft of crises, from famine to civil war, terrorism to corruption – with all the awful social consequences. Once again, the West is awash with bleeding hearts responding to pleas for assistance. Once again, many of those pleas are from our very own charities. Favourites of the liberal-left like Oxfam, Save the Children etc lead the field with TV advertising campaigns tumescent with heartbreaking emotional blackmail. Leading names of the entertainment world's heartbroken-lefty brigade provide the commentary. It has become as predictable as Christmas. It does occur to me however that this cycle is picking up speed and not only that, the medium to long term consequences will be damaging to the West.
In effect, we repeatedly deplete our own resources to support mismanaged systems and cultures that, as a result of our actions, simply revive and continue to repeat their mismanagement with added vigour, safe in the knowledge that they will, eventually, be rescued again. The all-too-predictable consequence will be a series of large-scale migrations from the troubled areas to the areas that provide relief. Increasingly, aid from the Western nations is seen as proof that those countries are "the place to go".
The added poison to this mix is Islam. A belief system that denies – utterly, implacably and without emotion – the validity of any lifestyle or culture that does not conform to its own. In other words, the non-Islamic world as a whole. It is locked in the 6th century and, basically, is at war with the Western cultures. In this case, what the West regards as a "humanitarian crisis"is considered an opportunity to both exploit Western compassion as well as gain a foothold– a working base – inside it.
We are weakened by this carousel in many ways – socially, culturally, economically, politically. There is one inevitable consequence. At some stage, there is going to be an inexorable march to a major conflict. Looking at the world today – Europe in particular, that march to war is clearly already in progress. When it happens, it will be between the Western cultures and religions on the one hand and the predatory invading ones on the other. You can bet your bottom dollar that unifying factors facing the West will be race – and Islam. And when our own culture and ethnicity have predetermined which "side" we are on, none of us will have any choice of allegiance. Once again, nature – and the Koran have already decided for you.
Despite the evidence and experience, the West's self-delusion will survive. You can bet that we will attempt to conjure up an expensive (for the West) "solution" that will stop the catastrophe continuing. For a while, anyway. Maybe. Once again, praying for help will be utterly pointless.
Saturday, December 20, 2014
ITS CHRISTMAS. AGAIN. OH , WELL. I'LL MAKE AN EFFORT..
HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ONE AND ALL – with all due respect and wishing no offence whatsoever to those of you of other religions and creeds who do not acknowledge any significance in this season of the year 2014 (in the Christian calendar – while recognising that not all people acknowledge the Christian chronology), and acknowledging also that those other traditions may well be celebrating strange beliefs of their own and always remembering – and respecting equally – those souls who freely choose NOT to subscribe to any religious dogmas but successfully live their lives and get drunk regularly, like all normal people.
DISCLAIMER: Expressing the hope that you have a 'Happy Christmas' does not come with any warranty or guarantee, express or implied that you will actually have one. No liability is accepted in the event of your failure to do so and you are not under any obligation to do so against your wishes or inclinations.
USER GUIDE AND SAFETY ADVISORY: The greeting has been stress-tested under laboratory conditions: it has been scanned and is free of all known viruses but if the embarrassing " Secret Place" rash occurs within four days, go to the specialist clinic.
This is an equal opportunity greeting and applies to all, irrespective of their favourite disgusting fetish, which football team they support, how awful their dress sense or how judderingly-stupid they are (French people & Social Service wankers excepted). The sentiments and wishes contained in this greeting may settle during transit. The picture on the outside of this greeting may not always accurately reflect the content inside It. This greeting is gender-neutral, nut-free , gluten free, dairy free, organic, vegan and vegetarian-friendly, child-friendly and requires no personal information or access to your bank account.
Please adjust your dress and wash your hands before leaving this greeting. Slippery when wet. May cause dizziness if taken with alcohol. Do not exceed the recommended dose. Always read the instructions. If you are under 10 years of age, seek the advice of an adult. Height restrictions may apply during the holiday season. No animals were hurt in constructing this greeting. Only one per person. Mind how you go. Always turn the tap off and put the lid down before leaving the bathroom. Never take sweets from strangers in public lavatories. Your mummy and daddy were right all along. There, there. Settle down.
DISCLAIMER: Expressing the hope that you have a 'Happy Christmas' does not come with any warranty or guarantee, express or implied that you will actually have one. No liability is accepted in the event of your failure to do so and you are not under any obligation to do so against your wishes or inclinations.
USER GUIDE AND SAFETY ADVISORY: The greeting has been stress-tested under laboratory conditions: it has been scanned and is free of all known viruses but if the embarrassing " Secret Place" rash occurs within four days, go to the specialist clinic.
This is an equal opportunity greeting and applies to all, irrespective of their favourite disgusting fetish, which football team they support, how awful their dress sense or how judderingly-stupid they are (French people & Social Service wankers excepted). The sentiments and wishes contained in this greeting may settle during transit. The picture on the outside of this greeting may not always accurately reflect the content inside It. This greeting is gender-neutral, nut-free , gluten free, dairy free, organic, vegan and vegetarian-friendly, child-friendly and requires no personal information or access to your bank account.
Please adjust your dress and wash your hands before leaving this greeting. Slippery when wet. May cause dizziness if taken with alcohol. Do not exceed the recommended dose. Always read the instructions. If you are under 10 years of age, seek the advice of an adult. Height restrictions may apply during the holiday season. No animals were hurt in constructing this greeting. Only one per person. Mind how you go. Always turn the tap off and put the lid down before leaving the bathroom. Never take sweets from strangers in public lavatories. Your mummy and daddy were right all along. There, there. Settle down.
Tuesday, November 04, 2014
TODAY, NOBODY IS ACCOUNTABLE
Nowt's for nowt. They understand the way things work in Lancashire and Yorkshire!
That's a distinctly Newtonian proposition, when you think about it. Everything has some sort of reciprocal, whether it is payment for something received, an action or response resulting from some other action or a responsibility or duty necessarily incurred when rights and benefits are conferred.
So what's gone wrong with that equation? Today, that very proposition is a concept too far for a depressingly large percentage of our population. There is no shortage of pressure groups, vociferously lobbying on behalf of one set of 'rights' or another -- animal rights, human rights, this or that minority group's rights. Nor is there any shortage of legal vultures, fighting for their share of the money generated for their once-honourable profession as one spurious claim after another is rewarded, to the disgust of the rest of us. What a strange circus we have! Recession-proof politicians with a taxpayer-funded retirement package of great generosity – matched only by Trades Union barons with inflation-proof remuneration paid for by their members, with an expenses culture denied to the rest of society, publicly proclaiming their distaste and condemnation of fat-cat businessmen. At the same time, journalists with a flexible moral and expenses culture of their own fulminate loudly and angrily about both of them -- with an army of Rumpoles in the wings, trying to decide which of the available troughs they should dive into.
On the whole, I think it's the businessmen who come out of it best.
Why is nobody responsible these days?
Monday, February 03, 2014
LEGALISE COCA TEA
COCAINE.
(Before you read this, I have absolutely no vested interest in the subject. I say this because when I read it myself, I thought it read uncomfortably like a marketing pitch!)
I would guess that, in terms of UK crime figures, one of the major causes is the import and supply of Class A drugs – heroin & cocaine, including crack. Of these, as well as the criminal damage they inflict on society, heroin and cocaine cause a wide range of health problems. The damage done by heroin quite often results from the impurities added to reduce its purity.
Then we come to cocaine. Anything that requires industrial grade hydrochloric acid in its preparation as got to be suspect from the start! Pure cocaine is lethal: it 'hits' so quickly and massively that it creates a blood pressure surge that overwhelms the heart. That is why it has to be 'cut' with other substances to reduce its impact. Those adulterants themselves, as with heroin, do serious damage to the liver while cocaine corrodes the nasal passages and the habit leads to paranoia anyway! Yes, 'something must be done', as they say but nothing seems to work while Julian Critchley, former drugs adviser to the Cabinet now thinks that legalising -- and thereby regulating and monitoring -- narcotics is the only sensible policy.
A SOLUTION?
It seems to me that one way to seriously damage the entire cocaine industry would be to attack it financially, at source, by making it so prohibitively expensive that the market would wither. Fortunately, we in Europe have a relatively simple means of doing this that would have some major benefits. What I'm proposing is that we legalise the import and consumption of coca tea, a beverage widely and regularly consumed by nationals of those countries where coca is produced. Those countries have a long tradition of drinking it and its benefits are often ignored in the West, simply because it is used to produce cocaine. Of course, the same logic could be used to outlaw the consumption of grapes by children under 18 because they are the principal ingredients in wine and brandy!
COCA LEAF AND COCA TEA ARE NOT THE SAME AS COCAINE.
Apart from coca tea being readily available on tap in most hotels in the Andes and being a retail item -- teabags -- throughout the area, it is also available simply as a leaf: agricultural labourers just chew it, often for hours, because it gives them greater endurance, keeps them alert and helps keep hunger at bay. It is particularly beneficial at the high altitudes because it is also effective in combating altitude sickness, by improving the body's ability to absorb oxygen from the thin air.
SCIENTIFIC INVESTIGATION SUPPORTS COCA TEA
Studies (Nutritional value of Coca Leaf, Harvard University, 1975) have shown that although cocaine is one of the chemical constituents of the coca leaf, it is present in such small quantities that you would actually need to drink around 500 teabags of coca tea in order to ingest the 1g of cocaine that is present in one single 'line' -- that's around 80 litres or 20+ gallons! At the same time, its effects are quite interesting:
-- it increases alertness and sustained concentration
-- it contains vitamins, potassium and trace elements
-- it improves stamina and ability to resist fatigue
-- it is a mild appetite suppressant
-- it is a very mild stimulant
-- it is particularly high in antioxidants
-- it helps with oxygen absorption -- hence its altitude sickness relevance
-- it is definitely non-addictive
-- it helps regulate the heart and circulation
-- it aids digestion
-- it is suitable for old and infirm alike
Anecdotal evidence from tourists to Peru and Colombia consistently supports the proposition that it is basically a risk-free and physically beneficial beverage. It's widely packaged and retailed in exactly the same way as Tetley Tea. Even today, Coca-Cola import around 30,000 tonnes of coca leaf for flavouring although it is stripped of its cocaine content at the insistence of the DEA, as a condition of import. The reason they insist on that process is because a chemical analysis of a coca leaf will certainly indicate the presence of cocaine. It's one of about 15 identifiable components, (I think) and a small one at that: there's no way you could get 'high' on coca tea. Even George Bush, on a visit to Colombia was drinking it as he held a brief press conference although he didn't know it at the time. It was his host's sneaky way of demonstrating its harmlessness and the fact that it did not have any great euphoric 'hit' to make you hunger for more!
EFFECT ON COCAINE TRADE
There are a number of benefits to this proposition. First, if coca tea became an acceptable beverage in Europe, demand for the coca crop would make its legitimate commercial exploitation far more attractive to the Andean farmers. This would raise its price to such an extent that the cost of producing cocaine would rise massively: at the very least, this would raise the street price so that it became prohibitively expensive for many who, at present, consider it cheap and affordable. All too often, the introduction to cheap cocaine draws in the younger and potentially more vulnerable user. The same would be true of its crack derivative. It may not kill the business completely but it would do it serious damage and in the process reduce the incidence of much of the petty crime and violence that surrounds the traffic. If the US followed suit, it could be a terminal blow for the cocaine trade.
BENEFITS FOR ANDEAN HILL FARMERS
A second major benefit would be to the growers themselves. Able to farm the crop legitimately and sell for a higher price than before, the economic circumstances of an impoverished group of farmers would be significantly improved. So too would the economies of their country, without the need for foreign aid because the coca bush requires the sort of growing conditions only provided in the Americas by the Andes or the Rockies at certain altitudes.
There would be other benefits, not so immediately apparent. As cocaine production declined and its market shrank, the peripheral apparatus that supports the trafficking would also shrink -- those who transport it, the use of 'mules', the various middlemen etc.
In short, coca tea has been enjoyed by natives of Peru, Colombia and Bolivia for centuries and should be made available to European consumers. It's beneficial, gives a lift, improves alertness and concentration, helps fight fatigue and is non-addictive. I commend it to the nation!
(Before you read this, I have absolutely no vested interest in the subject. I say this because when I read it myself, I thought it read uncomfortably like a marketing pitch!)
I would guess that, in terms of UK crime figures, one of the major causes is the import and supply of Class A drugs – heroin & cocaine, including crack. Of these, as well as the criminal damage they inflict on society, heroin and cocaine cause a wide range of health problems. The damage done by heroin quite often results from the impurities added to reduce its purity.
Then we come to cocaine. Anything that requires industrial grade hydrochloric acid in its preparation as got to be suspect from the start! Pure cocaine is lethal: it 'hits' so quickly and massively that it creates a blood pressure surge that overwhelms the heart. That is why it has to be 'cut' with other substances to reduce its impact. Those adulterants themselves, as with heroin, do serious damage to the liver while cocaine corrodes the nasal passages and the habit leads to paranoia anyway! Yes, 'something must be done', as they say but nothing seems to work while Julian Critchley, former drugs adviser to the Cabinet now thinks that legalising -- and thereby regulating and monitoring -- narcotics is the only sensible policy.
A SOLUTION?
It seems to me that one way to seriously damage the entire cocaine industry would be to attack it financially, at source, by making it so prohibitively expensive that the market would wither. Fortunately, we in Europe have a relatively simple means of doing this that would have some major benefits. What I'm proposing is that we legalise the import and consumption of coca tea, a beverage widely and regularly consumed by nationals of those countries where coca is produced. Those countries have a long tradition of drinking it and its benefits are often ignored in the West, simply because it is used to produce cocaine. Of course, the same logic could be used to outlaw the consumption of grapes by children under 18 because they are the principal ingredients in wine and brandy!
COCA LEAF AND COCA TEA ARE NOT THE SAME AS COCAINE.
Apart from coca tea being readily available on tap in most hotels in the Andes and being a retail item -- teabags -- throughout the area, it is also available simply as a leaf: agricultural labourers just chew it, often for hours, because it gives them greater endurance, keeps them alert and helps keep hunger at bay. It is particularly beneficial at the high altitudes because it is also effective in combating altitude sickness, by improving the body's ability to absorb oxygen from the thin air.
SCIENTIFIC INVESTIGATION SUPPORTS COCA TEA
Studies (Nutritional value of Coca Leaf, Harvard University, 1975) have shown that although cocaine is one of the chemical constituents of the coca leaf, it is present in such small quantities that you would actually need to drink around 500 teabags of coca tea in order to ingest the 1g of cocaine that is present in one single 'line' -- that's around 80 litres or 20+ gallons! At the same time, its effects are quite interesting:
-- it increases alertness and sustained concentration
-- it contains vitamins, potassium and trace elements
-- it improves stamina and ability to resist fatigue
-- it is a mild appetite suppressant
-- it is a very mild stimulant
-- it is particularly high in antioxidants
-- it helps with oxygen absorption -- hence its altitude sickness relevance
-- it is definitely non-addictive
-- it helps regulate the heart and circulation
-- it aids digestion
-- it is suitable for old and infirm alike
Anecdotal evidence from tourists to Peru and Colombia consistently supports the proposition that it is basically a risk-free and physically beneficial beverage. It's widely packaged and retailed in exactly the same way as Tetley Tea. Even today, Coca-Cola import around 30,000 tonnes of coca leaf for flavouring although it is stripped of its cocaine content at the insistence of the DEA, as a condition of import. The reason they insist on that process is because a chemical analysis of a coca leaf will certainly indicate the presence of cocaine. It's one of about 15 identifiable components, (I think) and a small one at that: there's no way you could get 'high' on coca tea. Even George Bush, on a visit to Colombia was drinking it as he held a brief press conference although he didn't know it at the time. It was his host's sneaky way of demonstrating its harmlessness and the fact that it did not have any great euphoric 'hit' to make you hunger for more!
EFFECT ON COCAINE TRADE
There are a number of benefits to this proposition. First, if coca tea became an acceptable beverage in Europe, demand for the coca crop would make its legitimate commercial exploitation far more attractive to the Andean farmers. This would raise its price to such an extent that the cost of producing cocaine would rise massively: at the very least, this would raise the street price so that it became prohibitively expensive for many who, at present, consider it cheap and affordable. All too often, the introduction to cheap cocaine draws in the younger and potentially more vulnerable user. The same would be true of its crack derivative. It may not kill the business completely but it would do it serious damage and in the process reduce the incidence of much of the petty crime and violence that surrounds the traffic. If the US followed suit, it could be a terminal blow for the cocaine trade.
BENEFITS FOR ANDEAN HILL FARMERS
A second major benefit would be to the growers themselves. Able to farm the crop legitimately and sell for a higher price than before, the economic circumstances of an impoverished group of farmers would be significantly improved. So too would the economies of their country, without the need for foreign aid because the coca bush requires the sort of growing conditions only provided in the Americas by the Andes or the Rockies at certain altitudes.
There would be other benefits, not so immediately apparent. As cocaine production declined and its market shrank, the peripheral apparatus that supports the trafficking would also shrink -- those who transport it, the use of 'mules', the various middlemen etc.
In short, coca tea has been enjoyed by natives of Peru, Colombia and Bolivia for centuries and should be made available to European consumers. It's beneficial, gives a lift, improves alertness and concentration, helps fight fatigue and is non-addictive. I commend it to the nation!
Sunday, January 26, 2014
PRIMARY EDUCATION – WHY IT MUST BE BASIC
THE ROLE OF PRIMARY EDUCATION.
What is primary education for? In a nutshell, it is to equip young people with all the tools they will need to get the most out of the education system and make the most of their talents. Fashions and priorities and methods change regularly but two things have been the bedrock foundation of our education for generations -- numeracy and literacy.
Literacy is our ability to read and understand the English language and the ability to express ourselves comfortably and with variety, both verbally and in writing. Grammar and spelling are integral to the process. Numeracy isn't advanced maths: it's being comfortable in using and manipulating the basic arithmetic functions, both mentally and written. All other education, from pre-Norman history at age nine to pilot training or medical School requires those skills. They are absolutely fundamental to subsequent learning and if learned early, they make future learning easier and faster.
What else? A sound basic grasp of the Earth's geography -- continents, oceans, the world's great rivers, deserts and mountains will give some context to the UK. A good basic knowledge of the UK -- main cities, rivers, ports. The map of Europe and its constituent countries should be familiar images.
Our history is important. It is essential that everybody here, including those who choose to come here and make their lives here, should grow up with a sound basic understanding of how, why and when this country came about, up to the Norman conquest at least. At this stage, if the teachers have done their job, secondary schools should be welcoming pupils with all the resources and training they will need for some serious education.
An old school friend of mine -- Grammar School, not public -- told me that he had been obliged to give additional ("remedial" was his word) English lessons to some of his first-year students at Cambridge! They have the brains, he told me but had been very badly-served by their teachers. They needed showing how to write properly-constructed papers for their course and even needed guidance on the use of English! He was a Fellow of King's College and in despair at the quality of modern secondary teaching.
It's no surprise that secondary education standards are dropping when the politicisation of teaching methods in primary schools and the knee-jerk rejection by the left – politicians and teaching unions both – to the old-fashioned methods of our parents and grandparents is creating generation after generation of pupils completely unprepared for and unable to benefit from secondary education. Add to that the fact that many of today's teachers are themselves victims of this dumbing down process. Like many of today's pupils, they are far better than the teaching system has allowed them to demonstrate -- while telling them that their academic record is excellent. It isn't always the case. When they are the result of the corrupted system that tells them that they are "excellent" when clearly they are not, they are bound to fight back against their detractors. They are victims, defending the system that victimised them and determined to carry on the process! You couldn't make it up.
If anything, technology may have made things worse, by enabling young people to manage without those basic skills. That way, they may even be solving problems without properly understanding the nature of the problem -- or how & why it was solved!
What is primary education for? In a nutshell, it is to equip young people with all the tools they will need to get the most out of the education system and make the most of their talents. Fashions and priorities and methods change regularly but two things have been the bedrock foundation of our education for generations -- numeracy and literacy.
Literacy is our ability to read and understand the English language and the ability to express ourselves comfortably and with variety, both verbally and in writing. Grammar and spelling are integral to the process. Numeracy isn't advanced maths: it's being comfortable in using and manipulating the basic arithmetic functions, both mentally and written. All other education, from pre-Norman history at age nine to pilot training or medical School requires those skills. They are absolutely fundamental to subsequent learning and if learned early, they make future learning easier and faster.
What else? A sound basic grasp of the Earth's geography -- continents, oceans, the world's great rivers, deserts and mountains will give some context to the UK. A good basic knowledge of the UK -- main cities, rivers, ports. The map of Europe and its constituent countries should be familiar images.
Our history is important. It is essential that everybody here, including those who choose to come here and make their lives here, should grow up with a sound basic understanding of how, why and when this country came about, up to the Norman conquest at least. At this stage, if the teachers have done their job, secondary schools should be welcoming pupils with all the resources and training they will need for some serious education.
An old school friend of mine -- Grammar School, not public -- told me that he had been obliged to give additional ("remedial" was his word) English lessons to some of his first-year students at Cambridge! They have the brains, he told me but had been very badly-served by their teachers. They needed showing how to write properly-constructed papers for their course and even needed guidance on the use of English! He was a Fellow of King's College and in despair at the quality of modern secondary teaching.
It's no surprise that secondary education standards are dropping when the politicisation of teaching methods in primary schools and the knee-jerk rejection by the left – politicians and teaching unions both – to the old-fashioned methods of our parents and grandparents is creating generation after generation of pupils completely unprepared for and unable to benefit from secondary education. Add to that the fact that many of today's teachers are themselves victims of this dumbing down process. Like many of today's pupils, they are far better than the teaching system has allowed them to demonstrate -- while telling them that their academic record is excellent. It isn't always the case. When they are the result of the corrupted system that tells them that they are "excellent" when clearly they are not, they are bound to fight back against their detractors. They are victims, defending the system that victimised them and determined to carry on the process! You couldn't make it up.
If anything, technology may have made things worse, by enabling young people to manage without those basic skills. That way, they may even be solving problems without properly understanding the nature of the problem -- or how & why it was solved!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
BROADBAND: A CAUTIONARY TALE.
Be very careful who you choose as your provider. See if you can follow the thread. This was my last (as of today anyway) e-mail to the customer service department of Talktalk. I've had Tiscali for the best part of two years and it has been wrong from the outset. I have summarised the story, so ignore your queries as to why didn't he?/couldn't he have done this or that etc. Just enjoy and be appalled. I was trying to close my account and was having problems. He was very sympathetic and sorry to hear of the trouble I've been having, and recommended a helpline that I had already attempted to use in the past day or two. This was my reply:
"
If I followed the advice of the customer helpline, cancelling the account is going to be impossible.
First, to recap: package requested -- broadband +24/7 telephone. Package charged for -- TV + weekend calls.
Result: initially no service at all because the broadband people thought I'd got the router etc from TV people. Then router arrived and only when monthly statements arrives am I puzzled. It took 20+ minutes online to Manila call centre to get the theoretical correction but nearly 2 years later, I'm still being invoiced for TV + weekend calls and like you, everyone is desperately sorry for all the inconvenience etc etc etc.
Back to now: advised to contact the appropriate helpline, I tried broadband: sorry, you have TV and we can't help you because that's a different section. "We'll connect you" led to the usual automated program -- repeated twice and the line went dead. (I am quadriplegic and use voice-activated system for PC -- but cannot press buttons on the phone.)
Undaunted, tried the TV line: sorry, don't recognize the number because you have no TV from us! Yes I do, that is what you are charging me for! No, you cancelled that service in 2008! No I didn't -- you are charging for it. Sorry, but we have no record.
Brainwave! I called head office reception and told them I was mightily pissed off with the whole situation: summarised and asked if there was any senior management available because I needed to talk to somebody about this who was in a position to do something. I'll put you through to somebody who can help you. Sounded promising, despite the piped music. Eventually I was through -- to a bloody call centre somewhere in Asia. (Back to Manila?) I summarised the story for her and she asked me whether I had a talktalk account. No, but I do have a Tiscali account. Sorry, she couldn't help because I didn't have an account. So, why the hell did the nameless person at head office put me through to her? She had no idea, but she couldn't help me because I didn't have a talktalk account.
It's a great story isn't it? Tell me, you think I should copy this letter to someone at the Daily Mail or Which? While you're pondering that, there is still the matter of closing my account as from midnight, Thursday June 17. Please advise."
Be very careful who you choose as your provider. See if you can follow the thread. This was my last (as of today anyway) e-mail to the customer service department of Talktalk. I've had Tiscali for the best part of two years and it has been wrong from the outset. I have summarised the story, so ignore your queries as to why didn't he?/couldn't he have done this or that etc. Just enjoy and be appalled. I was trying to close my account and was having problems. He was very sympathetic and sorry to hear of the trouble I've been having, and recommended a helpline that I had already attempted to use in the past day or two. This was my reply:
"
If I followed the advice of the customer helpline, cancelling the account is going to be impossible.
First, to recap: package requested -- broadband +24/7 telephone. Package charged for -- TV + weekend calls.
Result: initially no service at all because the broadband people thought I'd got the router etc from TV people. Then router arrived and only when monthly statements arrives am I puzzled. It took 20+ minutes online to Manila call centre to get the theoretical correction but nearly 2 years later, I'm still being invoiced for TV + weekend calls and like you, everyone is desperately sorry for all the inconvenience etc etc etc.
Back to now: advised to contact the appropriate helpline, I tried broadband: sorry, you have TV and we can't help you because that's a different section. "We'll connect you" led to the usual automated program -- repeated twice and the line went dead. (I am quadriplegic and use voice-activated system for PC -- but cannot press buttons on the phone.)
Undaunted, tried the TV line: sorry, don't recognize the number because you have no TV from us! Yes I do, that is what you are charging me for! No, you cancelled that service in 2008! No I didn't -- you are charging for it. Sorry, but we have no record.
Brainwave! I called head office reception and told them I was mightily pissed off with the whole situation: summarised and asked if there was any senior management available because I needed to talk to somebody about this who was in a position to do something. I'll put you through to somebody who can help you. Sounded promising, despite the piped music. Eventually I was through -- to a bloody call centre somewhere in Asia. (Back to Manila?) I summarised the story for her and she asked me whether I had a talktalk account. No, but I do have a Tiscali account. Sorry, she couldn't help because I didn't have an account. So, why the hell did the nameless person at head office put me through to her? She had no idea, but she couldn't help me because I didn't have a talktalk account.
It's a great story isn't it? Tell me, you think I should copy this letter to someone at the Daily Mail or Which? While you're pondering that, there is still the matter of closing my account as from midnight, Thursday June 17. Please advise."
Wednesday, June 09, 2010
THE BUTTOCK IMPORT CONUNDRUM.
Why does Britain continue to import buttocks?
It's not as if we weren't extremely successful in growing fat bottoms of our own, as can be seen in many classrooms and shopping centres. This place seems to be a magnet for those with grossly disproportionate gluteal endowments.
Cecilia (name changed to avoid legal embarrassment) must have won awards somewhere for her assets. I swear that light bends around her, such is her gravitational effect. I rather suspect that constructing her must have contravened her home country Gambia's building, safety and planning regulations. However, Newton's 3rd law operates, even here, in a care home (in a fashion)! Nothing is without consequence: despite the energy generated by her enormous calorie consumption, so much of that energy and effort is being directed towards maintaining her structure that very little is left to support brain activity. That must be the reason she has difficulty grasping concepts like "the key on the keyboard with an arrow pointing to the left", "the other one", "on your left", "my left leg", "the grey one goes underneath the red one" and others.
I mustn't be too critical though. The agency concerned may have a great store of as-yet-undiscovered buttocks to send here in the guise of "carers".
Saturday, May 22, 2010
JUDGEMENTAL ME!
Look, I admit it: I am given to expressing dismissive opinions of some individuals who in all probability are wonderful human beings and a tribute to their parents' parenting techniques. Okay? Do I feel bad about that? (Feel free to speculate!) It comes to me easily, especially here. We all need somebody who makes us feel superior and, in that respect, this place is heaven on earth. Sometimes you are reminded of the extent to which you are just treading water in a sea of cerebral inadequacy and general ignorance. In the wake of the general election, we sat through days of manoeuvring, posturing, bluster, secret negotiation etc etc etc. I watched as the situation developed and, by and large, followed what was going on. At the same time, I was regularly quizzed by various carers as to "what is happening?", "who is winning?", "what are they doing?", "which party is Clegg ? Is he Conservative? Cameron?". I nearly started crying by that stage. And then I remembered something that I have mentioned before -- these people are allowed to vote and don't need special permission from a High Court judge in order to have children!! We should all be depressed -- this country is doomed!
Look, I admit it: I am given to expressing dismissive opinions of some individuals who in all probability are wonderful human beings and a tribute to their parents' parenting techniques. Okay? Do I feel bad about that? (Feel free to speculate!) It comes to me easily, especially here. We all need somebody who makes us feel superior and, in that respect, this place is heaven on earth. Sometimes you are reminded of the extent to which you are just treading water in a sea of cerebral inadequacy and general ignorance. In the wake of the general election, we sat through days of manoeuvring, posturing, bluster, secret negotiation etc etc etc. I watched as the situation developed and, by and large, followed what was going on. At the same time, I was regularly quizzed by various carers as to "what is happening?", "who is winning?", "what are they doing?", "which party is Clegg ? Is he Conservative? Cameron?". I nearly started crying by that stage. And then I remembered something that I have mentioned before -- these people are allowed to vote and don't need special permission from a High Court judge in order to have children!! We should all be depressed -- this country is doomed!
Saturday, April 10, 2010
MORNING ROUTINE -- PART OF IT ANYWAY
6 a.m. The morning tea round: might as well, you will be awake because of the noise anyway. They've got used to my aversion to lukewarm, weak, milky tea. Strong, hot and not too much milk. That'll do nicely. Now bugger off and I might get another 45 minutes kip.
I'll horrify you some other time with the morning 'rise and shine' routines. There is a six part sitcom in it somewhere. Eventually, down to breakfast. Cereals and toast are the only standard options most days, with prunes as an exotic extra. Fortunately, I've got my own porage oats. Friday's breakfast is usually a variation on a good English fry up. Roll on Friday.
My principle here is to maintain that it is a fundamental law of nature that there is no such thing as too much caffeine, too much chilli or too much whisky.The menu is occasionally excellent (sorry about that, I am prone to exaggeration) but frequently confused, as in "lasagne, with garlic bread and vegetables" (the cook isn't English, of course). As a rule it's bland, since they cater for the least demanding or sensitive palate. There's nothing remotely spicy or hot about the curry and garlic is considered too much of a departure for many, which is why you'll only get it on garlic bread. I think the most extreme example of cowardly cooking is the chilli con carne: it doesn't contain chilli!! It's only vaguely spicy-herby and I suggested that "minced beef with rice" would be more accurate. Oh yes, the kitchen appreciated my helpful advice.
However, I have slowly built up my own spice rack with hot chilli sauces, bottle of extra-virgin olive oil with chillies in it, black pepper mill, sea salt mill and in the fridge I have a jar of Thai green chilli sauce and some pickled garlic! These are judiciously added to soups, salady bits and pieces, well, pretty much anything except porage. I also have my own Carte Noire coffee, much better than the catering grade instant coffee they use and my own Scott's Porage Oats, light years ahead of their Ready Brek. In addition, I keep in the freezer a supply of chicken madras/vindaloo/jalfreize, Thai green curry and.....well, you get the picture! Apparently, certain staff members and residents consider my dietary inclinations to be brave, eccentric, peculiar or adventurous. They prefer ice cream and/or chips. Not always on the same plate.
In my room, I keep my medication strictly controlled: the whisky and vodka on the left, any port or wine at the back and in the shade and any beers in the coolest place available.
Oh well, that'll do for now. I've got things to read, e-mails to send and whisky to drink. Most of the guards here are fairly benign and I know that a few of them are, like me, dreaming of and planning their escape.
6 a.m. The morning tea round: might as well, you will be awake because of the noise anyway. They've got used to my aversion to lukewarm, weak, milky tea. Strong, hot and not too much milk. That'll do nicely. Now bugger off and I might get another 45 minutes kip.
I'll horrify you some other time with the morning 'rise and shine' routines. There is a six part sitcom in it somewhere. Eventually, down to breakfast. Cereals and toast are the only standard options most days, with prunes as an exotic extra. Fortunately, I've got my own porage oats. Friday's breakfast is usually a variation on a good English fry up. Roll on Friday.
My principle here is to maintain that it is a fundamental law of nature that there is no such thing as too much caffeine, too much chilli or too much whisky.The menu is occasionally excellent (sorry about that, I am prone to exaggeration) but frequently confused, as in "lasagne, with garlic bread and vegetables" (the cook isn't English, of course). As a rule it's bland, since they cater for the least demanding or sensitive palate. There's nothing remotely spicy or hot about the curry and garlic is considered too much of a departure for many, which is why you'll only get it on garlic bread. I think the most extreme example of cowardly cooking is the chilli con carne: it doesn't contain chilli!! It's only vaguely spicy-herby and I suggested that "minced beef with rice" would be more accurate. Oh yes, the kitchen appreciated my helpful advice.
However, I have slowly built up my own spice rack with hot chilli sauces, bottle of extra-virgin olive oil with chillies in it, black pepper mill, sea salt mill and in the fridge I have a jar of Thai green chilli sauce and some pickled garlic! These are judiciously added to soups, salady bits and pieces, well, pretty much anything except porage. I also have my own Carte Noire coffee, much better than the catering grade instant coffee they use and my own Scott's Porage Oats, light years ahead of their Ready Brek. In addition, I keep in the freezer a supply of chicken madras/vindaloo/jalfreize, Thai green curry and.....well, you get the picture! Apparently, certain staff members and residents consider my dietary inclinations to be brave, eccentric, peculiar or adventurous. They prefer ice cream and/or chips. Not always on the same plate.
In my room, I keep my medication strictly controlled: the whisky and vodka on the left, any port or wine at the back and in the shade and any beers in the coolest place available.
Oh well, that'll do for now. I've got things to read, e-mails to send and whisky to drink. Most of the guards here are fairly benign and I know that a few of them are, like me, dreaming of and planning their escape.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
COMMUNICATION
As I said in my first post, good communication skills are not always a recruitment priority. I should put it another way: since most residents are English, fluency in English really should be a non-negotiable requirement. Hell's bells, it's bad enough for disabled people without them having to struggle with a language barrier -- or indeed, a comprehension barrier -- when attempting to explain what problems they need addressing, even more so if it is an urgent problem. Imagine lying in a bath while two carers, neither of them English, wrestle with the language, convinced that while lying in the bath, you want some toast! Spelling words was useless: they didn't recognize the word. It took some inventive thinking before they finally understood: the problem concerned your toes!
A lighter note. You know, nursing homes and care homes shelter a wide range of people and 'normal' people -- that's everybody else (normal? Ha!) -- often forget that among us lurk some very subversive characters. I exclude myself, of course. And don't make the mistake of thinking that I'm talking exclusively about residents. We have a number of rcarers here -- many from agencies on an "as needed" basis -- who, since raw intelligence is an inherited attribute, have DNA that you would kill to keep out of your own family gene pool. Does that make me judgemental and snobbish? Oh well. (See the shrug.)
It is rather like school really. You are sharing premises with a bunch of strangers with whom you have nothing in common except the need for care and have no control over who gets to be a carer. All you need to do to survive is simply accept that situation and play the cards you are dealt, as it were. Okay, some things can be hard to stomach: your table companions may include somebody French -- how bad can it get after that?
Well, for a start, the carers putting you to bed or giving you a bath may not be, shall we say, your favourite people. You may have problems with their manner, their attitude to you/the job in hand, their competence (or lack of) or their ability to understand you. Or all of those things! I shudder sometimes for those who have their own communication problems. You don't want to upset them though because those very same carers will have easy access to your private and secret places when you are up in the sling! If not today, some other day. Best not tempt providence, eh? I don't say that with any bitterness, you understand, as if I was recalling in acute detail any particular gruelling incident, I hasten to add.
As I said in my first post, good communication skills are not always a recruitment priority. I should put it another way: since most residents are English, fluency in English really should be a non-negotiable requirement. Hell's bells, it's bad enough for disabled people without them having to struggle with a language barrier -- or indeed, a comprehension barrier -- when attempting to explain what problems they need addressing, even more so if it is an urgent problem. Imagine lying in a bath while two carers, neither of them English, wrestle with the language, convinced that while lying in the bath, you want some toast! Spelling words was useless: they didn't recognize the word. It took some inventive thinking before they finally understood: the problem concerned your toes!
A lighter note. You know, nursing homes and care homes shelter a wide range of people and 'normal' people -- that's everybody else (normal? Ha!) -- often forget that among us lurk some very subversive characters. I exclude myself, of course. And don't make the mistake of thinking that I'm talking exclusively about residents. We have a number of rcarers here -- many from agencies on an "as needed" basis -- who, since raw intelligence is an inherited attribute, have DNA that you would kill to keep out of your own family gene pool. Does that make me judgemental and snobbish? Oh well. (See the shrug.)
It is rather like school really. You are sharing premises with a bunch of strangers with whom you have nothing in common except the need for care and have no control over who gets to be a carer. All you need to do to survive is simply accept that situation and play the cards you are dealt, as it were. Okay, some things can be hard to stomach: your table companions may include somebody French -- how bad can it get after that?
Well, for a start, the carers putting you to bed or giving you a bath may not be, shall we say, your favourite people. You may have problems with their manner, their attitude to you/the job in hand, their competence (or lack of) or their ability to understand you. Or all of those things! I shudder sometimes for those who have their own communication problems. You don't want to upset them though because those very same carers will have easy access to your private and secret places when you are up in the sling! If not today, some other day. Best not tempt providence, eh? I don't say that with any bitterness, you understand, as if I was recalling in acute detail any particular gruelling incident, I hasten to add.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
ENTERTAINMENT?
Have you ever wondered what happens to former wannabes, once their peak years of dreaming of almost making it somewhere, have passed? I'll tell you what happens to them -- they make a nice living on the twilight circuit. That's the circuit of retirement homes, care homes, nursing homes and such, where "entertainers" (in their own minds anyway) are paid £40+ an hour to entertain the unfortunate residents.
Okay, one or two aren't quite that bad but, in many cases they wouldn't have made it past auditions to be Butlin's redcoats. Typically, it might be someone who can barely carry a tune, strumming chords on a guitar as they accompany a backing tape while singing their way through anything from Cliff Richard's ' Summer Holiday' to 'It's a long way to Tipperary'. Even more bizarrely, he/she may be no more than 40-60 or so, believing for some odd reason that their captive audience have musical tastes going back almost 100 years. On one occasion, we had a guy of 50 who gave us within the space of 15 minutes, My Old Man Said Follow The Van, American Pie, a bit of Lennon and McCartney, some Elvis, It's a Long Way to Tipperary and a bit of Eric Clapton! I suppose that it wouldn't have been so bad if he'd had a decent voice and knowing all the words would have helped him as well. And we had him for 90 minutes! Still, mustn't expect too much, must we?
HEALTH AND BLOODY SAFETY.
How, in the name of everything or anything that is holy, has the human race made it this far? Without the phalanx of health and safety experts, would we ever have known that hot things can cause burns, that sharp things can inflict skin damage, that balancing precariously on top of unsecured ladders or furniture might be dangerous and allow you to fall down with painful results? Dear (insert the name of your chosen deity, icon or favourite fetish), how lucky was my dad to survive without them to help him? He even managed to survive a world war!! Did nobody even bother to warn him about the dangers before he went?
And today, the health and safety advice panel here tells me that I am not allowed to have control of my own medication! No, it must be issued to me by the nurse on duty every time: what's more, I'm only allowed things that have been specifically prescribed for me by the doctor. That ruling extends to a simple 75mg ('children's) aspirin and even to over-the-counter products like Sennapod! Apparently, I might overdose without realising it! On antibiotics! Aspirin! My very own Sennakot!! It seems that I'm not permitted to ask one of the carers "would you give me two of those ampicillin & one of those aspirin please?"
This is, apparently, to protect both me and the carers: I can't be trusted to be in control of that request and that they cannot be trusted to respond appropriately. Look, I'm thinking, if they can't be trusted to do that, why the hell are you employing them in the first place? And even before that, how dare you take away my control of me? In my book, I am in control of me, as far as my mental functioning goes, even though I may need physical assistance to give effect to my wishes. Even having fun, however you define it, you need assistance from carers etc. Don't you believe everything the pro-lifers tell you -- quadriplegia isn't always fun.
Have you ever wondered what happens to former wannabes, once their peak years of dreaming of almost making it somewhere, have passed? I'll tell you what happens to them -- they make a nice living on the twilight circuit. That's the circuit of retirement homes, care homes, nursing homes and such, where "entertainers" (in their own minds anyway) are paid £40+ an hour to entertain the unfortunate residents.
Okay, one or two aren't quite that bad but, in many cases they wouldn't have made it past auditions to be Butlin's redcoats. Typically, it might be someone who can barely carry a tune, strumming chords on a guitar as they accompany a backing tape while singing their way through anything from Cliff Richard's ' Summer Holiday' to 'It's a long way to Tipperary'. Even more bizarrely, he/she may be no more than 40-60 or so, believing for some odd reason that their captive audience have musical tastes going back almost 100 years. On one occasion, we had a guy of 50 who gave us within the space of 15 minutes, My Old Man Said Follow The Van, American Pie, a bit of Lennon and McCartney, some Elvis, It's a Long Way to Tipperary and a bit of Eric Clapton! I suppose that it wouldn't have been so bad if he'd had a decent voice and knowing all the words would have helped him as well. And we had him for 90 minutes! Still, mustn't expect too much, must we?
HEALTH AND BLOODY SAFETY.
How, in the name of everything or anything that is holy, has the human race made it this far? Without the phalanx of health and safety experts, would we ever have known that hot things can cause burns, that sharp things can inflict skin damage, that balancing precariously on top of unsecured ladders or furniture might be dangerous and allow you to fall down with painful results? Dear (insert the name of your chosen deity, icon or favourite fetish), how lucky was my dad to survive without them to help him? He even managed to survive a world war!! Did nobody even bother to warn him about the dangers before he went?
And today, the health and safety advice panel here tells me that I am not allowed to have control of my own medication! No, it must be issued to me by the nurse on duty every time: what's more, I'm only allowed things that have been specifically prescribed for me by the doctor. That ruling extends to a simple 75mg ('children's) aspirin and even to over-the-counter products like Sennapod! Apparently, I might overdose without realising it! On antibiotics! Aspirin! My very own Sennakot!! It seems that I'm not permitted to ask one of the carers "would you give me two of those ampicillin & one of those aspirin please?"
This is, apparently, to protect both me and the carers: I can't be trusted to be in control of that request and that they cannot be trusted to respond appropriately. Look, I'm thinking, if they can't be trusted to do that, why the hell are you employing them in the first place? And even before that, how dare you take away my control of me? In my book, I am in control of me, as far as my mental functioning goes, even though I may need physical assistance to give effect to my wishes. Even having fun, however you define it, you need assistance from carers etc. Don't you believe everything the pro-lifers tell you -- quadriplegia isn't always fun.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Unless my priorities and routines change, my postings may be, probably will be, sporadic. Be warned. I'm not remotely PC and regard "political correctness" as nothing less than a social and cultural cancer. It may well be that some of the things I say cause you some grief, offend sensibilities and thoroughly merit being condemned with words ending in ‘-ist’. Fair enough. By and large there is no focused hostility or antipathy. Well, actually there is from time to time but frankly, I don't really care any more -- certainly, no more than religious and social zealots or born-again politicos care about irritating me when promoting their own perspectives. Get over it. Get a proper life. The dog did, Eventually. After we took it to the vet..
Oh well, I got that off my chest. I am not intrinsically and irredeemably curmudgeonly -- my wife may demur -- but I certainly have developed a finely-tuned capability to be a grumpy old man. That's hardly surprising when you're stuck in a nursing home. Forced by circumstance to live with a bunch of strangers, most of whom share few of your life experiences, opinions and understandings, circumscribed by rules and regulations dealing with Health & Safety, Lifting & Handling is bad enough.
Things are made worse sometimes with the problems created by the carers supplied by agencies. By making the caring sector a low paid employment option, it has become an easy recruitment opportunity for available labour with no qualifications other than their availability. As a consequence, it remains lowly paid and so is highlighted by those who argue that we need immigrants because nobody in this country will do the job at those rates. Of course, this creates a situation where there is no need to raise remuneration significantly as there is always a ready supply of willing workers. Yes, I know there are some excellent and dedicated carers, often attracted by the opportunity to work occasional hours, preferring that sector because it allows them to be in control of their own lives. They are not the majority. Unfortunately, the ability to communicate fluently and easily with those receiving care is not deemed a priority. No doubt I shall return to this theme. Biliously. Often.
Oh well, I got that off my chest. I am not intrinsically and irredeemably curmudgeonly -- my wife may demur -- but I certainly have developed a finely-tuned capability to be a grumpy old man. That's hardly surprising when you're stuck in a nursing home. Forced by circumstance to live with a bunch of strangers, most of whom share few of your life experiences, opinions and understandings, circumscribed by rules and regulations dealing with Health & Safety, Lifting & Handling is bad enough.
Things are made worse sometimes with the problems created by the carers supplied by agencies. By making the caring sector a low paid employment option, it has become an easy recruitment opportunity for available labour with no qualifications other than their availability. As a consequence, it remains lowly paid and so is highlighted by those who argue that we need immigrants because nobody in this country will do the job at those rates. Of course, this creates a situation where there is no need to raise remuneration significantly as there is always a ready supply of willing workers. Yes, I know there are some excellent and dedicated carers, often attracted by the opportunity to work occasional hours, preferring that sector because it allows them to be in control of their own lives. They are not the majority. Unfortunately, the ability to communicate fluently and easily with those receiving care is not deemed a priority. No doubt I shall return to this theme. Biliously. Often.
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